Things you are unlikely to say unless you have kids

“Don’t sit on your brother.”
“Don’t put your boogies on the wall.”
“Stop trying to open the door with your tongue.”
“Stop drawing on the wall.”
“That’s not chocolate.”
“How can someone so small make such a loud noise?”
“This puke is really warm.”
“Stop shoving Cheerios up your nose.”
“Stop trying to pick your brother’s nose.”
“Why is there something wet between the couch cushions?”
“He threw a train at me in frustration.”
“Don’t eat that dirt.”
“Crap. He just ate that dirt.”
“I need help getting this dirt out of his mouth.”
“Now he just put sand in his mouth.”
“No. I’m not going to wash the sand out of his mouth. Let him live with it for a bit. That way he’ll know not to do that again.”
“Dammit! He just stood up and ran away, and stepped in his poopy diaper as he did so. Now there are poo footprints on the carpet.”
“Don’t put your hand in that!”
“He didn’t hear me say that word.”
“Honestly, he didn’t get that from me.”
“I can’t believe something this large came out of such a little body.”
“Ugh…that’s a gooey one.”
“Please stop farting on your brother.”
“He’s a stealth tinkler.”
“It’s a diaper changing assembly line.”
“Who pooped in the tub?”